I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
