shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
