i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
