I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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