Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We just shotgunned beers for America
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
