I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
