I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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