I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You may now shotgun with the bride
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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