My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
