I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
