If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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