I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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