Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
