I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
porn star boner night. come get it.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
