I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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