Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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