Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
