dude i'm inner monologue high
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
