this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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