i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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