make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
