Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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