i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
