wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
