The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
