if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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