just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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