Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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