Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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