evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
