I cannot find my penis.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
