I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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