She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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