it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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