I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
