You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
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I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
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She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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