but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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