um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
