Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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