as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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