you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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