I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
