Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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