There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
