you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
