I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
