I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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