Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
