new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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