I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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