I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
