I cockslap morals
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
