careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
