I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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