Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
