he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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