I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize