alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
