moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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