theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
